I wear many hats. Mother, professional, writer, philosopher, speaker, amateur theologian and life coach. I’m often lonely, mostly joyful, sometimes sad, and I struggle with finding the right balance between all of this. My faith has moved mountains, but it has also wavered. I’ve walked away from God at times, and I’ve also found myself on my knees begging Him to take me back. Other times He has dragged me back, my nails desperately digging into the muddy soil where my solo and wayward journey had taken me.
I have been heartbroken. Big, life-shattering heartbreaks where I thought I’d actually die from it. And small disappointments, such as a chance encounter that never blooms, or a promising relationship I was too afraid to pursue. The sprout of hope broken by rain. Seeds sewn among the weeds and thistles. I’ve watched new growth die and things I’ve held as truth have withered in my hand. But I’ve been blessed. I’ve seen the hand of God work in ways I never expected, reshaping and deepening my understanding of blessing and prosperity.
Through it all, He has been there. Leading and guiding me, teaching me that even on this dusty road, and even when I am blinded and I have no footing but my faith, I am still moving toward the plan He has for me. Not because of my determination or strength, or because of any will or skill of my own, but because of Him and His will for me to move forward. For His purpose, and not my own.
I was saved at the age of 13 when I attended a friend’s church. I don’t remember the words I spoke. I can’t recall the pastor’s face or what I did before or immediately after. But I remember knowing my life had changed. And it terrified me. I walked home from my friend’s house that night on a cloud, a joy in my heart so powerful I couldn’t even begin to understand it.
A locust crossed my path on the sidewalk that night. In the Bible these insects are depicted as crop-eaters. They ruin harvests. By themselves they are harmless. One locust can’t do that much damage, but in a swarm they can wipe out entire crops. So it is when the enemy sends hardship along the way of our journey with God. Each struggle alone is not enough. The enemy works in subtleties, but after a while these things become a swarm, wreaking havoc on the harvest and devouring the fruits of our faith.
A lot of locusts crossed my path after that first night, amounting to a swarm and I turned away from God. But he never turned away from me. When I fell to my knees at the age of 26 – 13 years after my initial salvation – that feeling of walking home from my friend’s house that one night came flooding back and I realized that this is what I had been searching for all along. I had finally come home.
So this is my story of coming home, and of my continuing journey on the Damascus Road, where God meets me again and again. Like Saul (later renamed Paul), I was busy with my own plans, going in one direction, and thinking I knew the answers. I find myself back on the dusty road now and again, questioning and searching. Every step of my journey – even (or especially) the wayward steps – have driven me deeper and deeper into this ministry and closer to figuring out God’s plan for my life.
This blog will share some of the things I have learned on my journey and the questions that still plague me, along with a bit of encouragement from His Word. I invite you to walk alongside me on this wandering journey of faith by sharing a bit of your own experiences.
Thank you for visiting and be sure to subscribe and comment. We are never alone on the journey – God is always there – but one of the ways he encourages us is by asking us to encourage each other.
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NLT)