Too often we hide behind a smile because it’s easier than letting people see the truth: we are all just broken people, carrying our broken pieces the best we know how. Some are more broken than others, but no matter how far we have come, we still go through periods where we feel as though we need to hide feelings of loneliness, depression, anxiety, spiritual exhaustion, etc.
Those of us in ministry may feel especially pressured to put on a facade. There is a lie floating around that says we can’t lead others unless we have it all together, but I argue the opposite. The more transparent I am about my struggles (and God’s intervention in the midst of it all), the more I am able to empathize with others and the more approachable I will (hopefully) be when you encounter the same.
I am a work in progress, like every other human on this planet.
So this is me coming clean.
I’ve been going through some stuff. Some of it is spiritual warfare, and some of it stems from dealing with recent events that I haven’t been able to shake no matter how many times I take it to God in prayer.
And then there are the difficulties adjusting to a life that changed in so many ways in a very short period of time (even good changes require an adjustment period).
I care too much about what others think.
I worry too much about my future.
I criticize myself too often.
I allow myself to forget all of the times God came through for me, and I open the door for those wretched feelings of defeat to sneak in and tell me I’m not good enough and I’ll never see my dreams come true.
And sometimes all of this overwhelms me. I pray through it, but God feels like He is a universe away and I just want to crawl into bed with Netflix and ice cream, but I can’t because I’m too busy trying to be Superwoman, Supermom, Superwife, Superchristian, Superminister, my days are full to the brim, and my time is no longer my own.
So this is me declaring that I’m simply exhausted, I know God’s got this, I know I have a supportive husband and wonderful friends, and I know when I get on the other end of this I will have a story to tell that glorifies God.
In the meantime, I may need a shoulder to lean on, or an extra hug or two. If you are going through something similar, I encourage you to come clean as well. Let’s stop pretending everything is okay. That doesn’t mean we need to sit around whining about our problems all day long, but let’s come together to lift each other up, rather than hiding behind the walls of our individual prisons.
The air is much easier to breathe out here in the open.