An open prayer: faith and singleness

Dear God,

I don’t mind being single. Actually, I quite like it.

I get to sleep with my laptop in the bed next to me. You know, just in case the muse strikes at 2 am or I get a sudden craving to watch funny cat videos.

Eat carrots and hummus for dinner while standing in the open fridge? Yes, please.

Oh, and that splurge at the Estee Lauder counter I had last week? The only person I had to explain that to was myself (okay, and you, but you already knew, so it’s not like I had to stress out about you getting to the credit card bill before I did).

You have held me, blessed me and loved me through my singleness. You have taken my broken heart and healed it bit by bit. And like a skilled surgeon, your hand was so precise that my heart beats even stronger than before you had a go at it. Maybe it’s a little hardened. There’s definitely some scar tissue. But it gets better every day.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but here’s the thing…while I have peace about you not putting the right man in my life, my heart is growing weary by all the wrong men you have allowed to cross my path.

I know you have a reason. There is something I’m supposed to learn from them, or something they need to learn from me. Maybe they are meant to be a test, not for you to see what I will do (you know!), but for me to gauge my level of growth.

But I’m tired. You know my heart, Lord, and you know my weaknesses. And I trust that you allow these temptations and complications for the purpose of my overall good. Maybe when I’m on the other side of this life I will be able to see how the pieces of this puzzle fit together.

So I will not ask why and I will not ask you to stop doing what you have been doing. I do, however, ask you to give me strength as I endure these temptations, and peace and discernment as I weave my way through the complications.

Maybe the right man is buried in there somewhere. Maybe he’ll appear through the smoke as a knight charging on a noble steed, or perhaps as a humble saint standing amidst the rubble that is my dating life.

Or maybe he will never come, but you will replace my ashes with other things of beauty.

Make me desirable to those who seek the light, and protect my heart from those who are not emotionally available to me. Let me see the good in people, but also grant me the gift of discernment to know when the good is genuine, and when it is merely a cloak over the things I do not wish to see.

Above all, hold my tongue. When I am hurting and the emotions are smoldering, give me strength to simply walk away, rather than continue banging my fist on a locked door.

And the next time I have my dinner by the light of the open refrigerator, remind me to use the time I save by spending it with you, my first and only true love.

Love your daughter,

Princess Abby

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9 thoughts on “An open prayer: faith and singleness

  1. God has the right man for you, keep seeking God, and trust Him to lead you to the one He has for you. Only who God sends you will bless you.

    Do make a list specifically of the type of man you want, keep praying for him, and ask God to allow you to cross paths.

    I am sure there is one out there also praying to meet you.

    God loves you, and has that one special someone ready for you.

    • Thanks for the comment, and the inspiring words. I have a list, and I’ve considered burying it in my backyard. Not because I think the perfect man will grow in my garden or anything, but as a way to remind myself to let go and let God cultivate these things in the one he intends for me. For some reason I can’t bring myself to bury the list. Maybe it’s because I know that I’m meant to be single in this season of my life, and regardless of what I do God is already hard at work on my future. Whatever, or whomever, may be included in it 🙂

  2. I am praying the same prayer with you sister! I don’t have a problem with no man in my life but when I have a few interesting one’s sticking around for I’m not sure what reason I have no idea what to do with them sometimes. Singleness can truly be a blessing if we use this season of our life right! 🙂

    • Well said, Anna! God brings different people into our lives for different reasons. And we do need to look at singleness as a season with a reason, and not just a pit stop. There are so many blessings to be discovered in every season of our lives, but we have to be willing to seek the blessings and to pray for God’s discernment and guidance through it all. Blessings to you 🙂

  3. I know you are hurting inside. Do you go to church? Do you have a mother type friend before you date anyone you need to know how much you are worth the love in you. You need to be happy with who you are. “For God so loved the world (YOU) that He gave His only Son (JESUS) that those who believe in Him would have life everlasting.” John 3:16.

    Keep in touch with me. I’m praying for you to have victory in this.

    Mary Lovasz

    • Thank you for the prayers, Mary. I do go to church and I am actively involved in our singles ministry. I am hurting, but I’ve found purpose in the pain. Somehow through all of this I have grown closer to God. Most of all, I am amazed by how he stays beside me, even (or especially!) when I stumble. I feel like I already have victory, just in coming to the realization that I don’t need a man to be happy. Now I need God to give me discernment and strength when it comes to allowing (or not allowing) the wrong men into my life. I think you’re spot on…once we know the true value of the love in us, and the love God has for us, it makes us less tolerant of being treated poorly by others. It’s a work in progress, but I’m a lot closer than I was a month, or a year ago, so for that I am grateful. God is so good 🙂

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